The Big Brother

I guess technically he was already a big brother...but this time, Kahn has thoroughly enjoyed the big brother role from the start.  And it is just so sweet to see him with Madeline and to hear him talk to her or about her.  

When Olivia arrived, Kahn was too young to really even know what was going on but overall it was a ROUGH few weeks after she arrived.  He was terrible and threw temper tantrums all the time.  I literally cried every single day and felt so guilty that we had disrupted his life so much.  I mean, how selfish were we to want another baby so badly and totally turn his life upside down?  He was just a baby himself!  But after a few weeks, things got better and eventually I think he probably didn't even remember life as an only child.  And now, him and Olivia are just the best of friends and he is a super protective big brother!  (I'll save their super cute relationship for another blog post). 

But Madeline's arrival has been much different and he has just accepted her as his new sister from Day 1.  When he first came up to the hospital to see me after Madeline arrived, he just ran over to her bassinet and told us how cute she was.  He didn't want to hold her, but you could tell he was proud of his new sister.  Every morning, he comes into Madeline's room while I am nursing her and tells me how much he loves me and Madeline.  It literally brings tears to my eyes.  And yesterday while we were all watching Lion King in my bed, he told me that Madeline could sit next to him so she wouldn't be scared.  How sweet is he!

But I think the sweetest thing in the entire world is him wanting to sleep next to her each night.  Since I had a c-section and couldn't get in and out of my bed easily, we put Kahn's trundle mattress on the floor in Madeline's room since it's easier for me to get out of that bed and then I'm just there when she wakes up at night (and it gives my husband a full night of sleep--what a great wife, right?).  Since there is a mattress in her room, every night after he does story time with Olivia, he comes into Madeline's room because 'he wants to sleep with her to make sure she doesn't get scared at night'.  He lays on the mattress and I sing him lullabies while I am nursing Madeline.  Most nights, I can barely get through the songs without my eyes filling with tears...how lucky am I to have the sweetest little boy in the entire world who cares so much for two of the most amazing little girls?  

Here's a picture of him sleeping next to Madeline in her crib...it just makes my heart melt!

We obviously won't let him fall asleep in her room every night, but for now we are letting him enjoy his new little sister.  Even though it was a challenging start, Kahn has been a great big brother to Olivia and he is proving to be equally protective and caring with sweet little Madeline.  We are so proud of the little boy that he is and we are so happy that he is enjoying his role as the big brother!  

We love you, Kahn!  You're the best big brother in the world and Olivia and Madeline love you more than you know!  

Madeline!

Well, she's here!  And we love her so much!

Madeline Elizabeth Peterson arrived last week.  She weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces and was 21 inches long.

Preparing for Madeline's arrival was much different than Kahn and Olivia's big days.  I can't really explain why it was so different, but it just was.  Honestly, nothing is quite like having your first child.  It is just so exciting!  And you are completely blindsided by the love it brings into your life.  When we were waiting for Olivia's arrival, I was super excited especially since it was a little girl, but at the same time I had this anxiety and fear that there was no possible way I could ever love anything as much as little Kahn.  I honestly didn't think it was possible to love anymore...my heart was stretched as far as it could go.  Or at least that's what I thought.  About a minute after Olivia arrived, I realized that that fear was just stupid.  I loved her just as much as I loved Kahn.

With Madeline, I was excited, obviously, but it wasn't this over the top excitement that we had with Kahn.  I didn't have any fears or anxiety that I had with Olivia that we weren't going to be able to love her like we did the other two since that was obviously a stupid fear.  I really didn't have any emotion that consumed me with Madeline.  While I was pregnant this worried me...why weren't we crazy excited? Why did we not have any crazy fears (besides the normal 'wanting a healthy baby' fears)?  Why did the whole pregnancy and impending baby #3 seem like such a non-event?  Was there something wrong with me?  I still don't know why we weren't consumed with one emotion or the other, but I just attributed it to been-there-done-that and just being busy with life with two toddlers.

And then she arrived at 7:29am on July 6th and I was overcome with emotion.  In an instance, I was in love.  I was excited. I was beyond happy.  I couldn't imagine life without her in it.  And even though I had no fear about loving her as much as the others, I was still blown away with the amount of love I had for her and my heart's ability to embrace her and love her INSTANTLY!  It still amazes me that I could go from one minute to not even knowing this little human and in the very next moment being completely sick in love. But somehow, it just happens and it's amazing.

There is truly no love like the love you have for your children.  It is true love.

And I am blessed to be able to be truly in love with three of the most amazing miracles in the entire world.

Madeline is perfect.  She is the perfect addition to our family.  And we love her like she's been here all along.

 

I am truly blessed.  I love you, Madeline.