Missed Moments

Many people know this, but we rarely allow our kids in bed with us.  We like our sleep, we need our sleep and our kids just sleep better in their own rooms anyways. 

But this morning as I was leaving for work at 5:30, little Kahn came out of his room to go to the bathroom. I don’t normally see the kids in the morning, because, well—it’s ridiculously early.  So it was kind of fun to see him on my way out of the house.  He was being so super sweet, told me how much he loved me and how nice I looked and he gave me a kiss.  When I told him to go back to his room when he finished going potty, he said he really wanted to snuggle with me.  Being that I work at 6am, I offered him the next best thing--“Do you want to snuggle with daddy?” He climbed up in bed, got under the covers and snuggled up as close as he could to Kahn.  I was supremely jealous. And I went on my way… to work. 

See, here’s the problem with being a working mom…I wasn’t able to snuggle with him this morning and I thought about it all day today and how much I wished I could have just laid there in bed with him and cuddled and maybe watched a cartoon or two.  I thought about all of the mornings I am not there with my kids and I hate missing out on these little moments, as mundane as they may be. He is not always going to want to snuggle with his mom and dad.  They grow too fast.

I try not to comment too much on what it’s like being a working mom, because I am really torn about it, I like it and I hate it. There are definitely benefits to working.  But for every benefit, I feel like there are at least 2 drawbacks.  To be honest, staying in bed with Kahn this morning probably doesn’t equate to important enough to use vacation time at work, but it is symbolic of all of those little moments that I miss with my kids—their first steps, their first words, their first swimming lessons…and the list goes on.  It makes me really sad some days that I miss so much of my kids growing up. 

And then bizarrely, as all this was going through my head today, my boss emailed about noon and said she had to go home, her 25-year-old son needed her.  I love that.  Not that her son is going through a hard time right now, but I love that her son still needs her at 25 and that her family is her priority and that she will drop everything to be there when one of her kids needs her.  Her leaving work today validated everything for me--that being a working mom sucks, but I can be a full-time working mom and STILL be there for my kids because I am lucky enough to work for a woman (and organization) that values hard work and also the balancing act of being a working mom and being there for my kids.

I have never been made to feel guilty when I take time off work for kid-related things, but I place guilt upon myself and I need to get over that. Quite honestly, if I would have come in late this morning and she would have asked why, she would have totally understood my reasoning—little Kahn wanted to snuggle. 

I can only hope my kids are still going to need me when they are 25, but until then, I am going to make every attempt to make sure that I am there for them for as many little moments as I can be as they grow up. I'm not going to stay in bed with them every morning, but I will stop feeling guilty when I need to take time off for one of them. My family will always be my priority. 

Enjoy all of those little moments with your kids!